It's been a while since I updated here, but week three has been the "work" week. ( update behind the cut )

Went out last night with La Shenda, Vicki Saunders and Beth Wasden (oktober_ghost ). We had dinner at a Mexican restaurant in Kirkland, and now I know how good Mexican food is. It is just absolutely delish. After dinner we took a walk to the waterfront where we watched 4th of July fireworks.

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Week two of Clarion West has come and gone. On Friday night, we said goodbye to Karen Joy Fowler. Our goodbye was tinged with a bit of sadness, as these goodbyes always are. We will miss her keen commentary, her discerning eye, and her encouragement and wisdom. I learned a lot from Karen. Like how important it is to keep your feet on the ground and to keep your vision focused on what it is that matters most. It seemed again as if the week had just rushed by so fast, that I think a few of us had to catch our breaths realizing that it was Friday and the last day we would get to talk to her in a setting like this. What does one say to a brilliant author and an inspiring teacher?

Thank you just doesn't seem enough. 
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We had an inspiring afternoon visit from Ted Chiang. It was wonderful to hear him speak as I was reminded yet again of how people who last long in this field are driven more by a certain vision and a desire to say something rather than the pursuit of monetary reward. I went "yes" in a big way because the truest fictions and the fiction that's often touched me is the fiction that I feel comes from the author's heart.

In any case, it's the kind of fiction I want to write. I feel that the journey towards being a writer begins when you realize what you want to say and are willing to do your best to communicate that to your audience. The audience doesn't necessarily have to be large. In fact, as Ted Chiang said, the small group of people who appreciate what you are saying are your target audience.  

I  feel that fiction at its best should be something that leaves a reader thinking and reflecting on life and the choices he/she makes in life. I believe good fiction has the capacity to change our views or to at least make us recognize our prejudices and face them. I guess I'm pretty ambitious in wanting to contribute to the body of literature that helps us recognize what it is about the world that is beautiful and what it is about the human condition that makes us fully human. I think that touching base with what your heart says is what will keep a writer's feet on the ground and connected to the stories he or she is meant to write. 

Ted said something along these lines and I sincerely believe it to be true:  It's easy to write the polished, generic story and sell it, but the story that only you can tell are the stories that count.

I hope this inspires you as well.

What a privilege it is to be here at Clarion West. Back home, there were times when I felt as if I were writing in a vacuum. If not for aliettedb  and her invitation to join the expatworkshop, if not for my Fellow Villa Diodati workshoppers insisting that I try to get in, I would have never come to Clarion West and would never have known how enriching it is to be part of this wonderful community of writers.

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At the Clarion West party last night, I asked John Kessel what he felt like when he attended his first sf event, and he said that to him it felt pretty much as if the gods had come down and were walking among them. I liked how he worded that because in many ways I felt pretty much the same about it. To explain how that feels, I have to think of how I was brought up in a family where books were pretty much revered. As I discovered which writers I truly loved, the reverence thing somehow transferred itself to the writer/maker of the book. Do not ask me why my brain works that way, it's just so.

Anyway, books played an important role when I was a child. I was hungry to see more of the world, and I truly believe there is more to this world than this one dimension we are in or that our eyes can see. Discovering the Narnia books fed this longing to find a portal into that world beyond this one. Yes, I believed that if I walked long enough somehow the forest I was walking in would expand and I'd find myself in Narnia. So, I tended to hide out a lot in the forest behind the nurses home, in the mountains behind our house, and for all that the deserted barracks terrified me, they also fascinated me. Could the doorway to the secret world be up there? 

I also remember reading and rereading a book on becoming an astronaut and a book on stars. Yes, I wanted to be an astronaut when I was small. Banaue, the place I grew up in, is so conducive to this dreaming. I remember staying up in the mountain behind our house until the dark came down and the stars came out. I would stare up at the sky and imagine that I was up there.

Anyway, last night was pretty awe-inspiring and if I'd just been me I would probably have just gone on home without meeting anyone, because it was like seeing the stars come down. I did get to meet and shake the hand of Gardner Dozois. Got my picture taken with Nisi Shawl and Ellen Datlow, and I talked Eileen Gunn's ears off because that's how excited I get when talking about history and culture and how much I want to encourage the kids in my home country to read and dream and reach for the stars.

I didn't get to meet or talk with everyone I wanted to talk to. It was awesome to meet some of the students from previous Clarion West classes and it was an encouragement to meet people who shared the same experience of going to Clarion while their children were still small. I know it will be hard, but I can survive this. One of the Clarion West students from 2006 said to me that he didn't want to tell his kids that he'd wanted to be a writer but he decided not to pursue it because he had kids. That was a very insightful statement as it made me realize how creative people die inside when they cannot create or are not given the chance/opportunity to create. Clarion West is such a chance and it is such a gift.

Afterwards, we came home and sat around and had this glorious chat about cons and books and themes. I'd never been to a con, but I do want to go to one someday and Derek Muir and Todd Williams shared their own experiences of cons which made me even more curious. From cons, we went on to talk about books and writers and publications and how much we'd enjoyed this book or that book. It felt very much like being at home. I had to think of my brothers and my sister and my Mom and Dad and how we spent long hours after dinner just talking about books and discussing themes and going off on tangent to talk about matters that really were important to us. It's when I'm with writers that I realize how much I've missed such conversations because just like me, these writers are booklovers as well. This is the great thing about being among bookworms and booklovers and lovers of the written word. Our love for the word is the lifeblood that connects us.

Today is going to be another busy day. I am going to work on my next story which includes some weird animals I thought up sometime ago, and then we're heading off to listen to some glorious people talk.

It feels strange to realize that I've been in Seattle for a week now. Our first week with John Kessel flew by so fast, I feel like I must've done a time jump somewhere. But no, it is true. Today marks my fifth day at Clarion West.

It's been a fabulous and learning experience so far. Now, I can openly say that I understand what people mean when they talk about plot arc and character arc. Yes, go ahead and laugh, but I've never been to a formal workshop before and what I know about writing I learned through reading lots and lots and lots of books and doing my damndest best to write better than my yesterday self.

John Kessel has been a fabulous first week instructor, and I like that he provided us with the time to understand and work through basic principles of story. Some will probably say, but you knew that already, didn't you? A part of me had a vague idea of what those things meant, but I'm kind of like the person who understands things better when someone shows you what it is and gives you hands-on stuff to do with it. Like those exercises, which have helped me to pay more attention to these layers and elements in my writing. 

Listening to the criticques given on each of my classmates' stories has also taught me a lot. How important specifics are, and how concrete language and clarity will get you a long way. In fact, when I look back, I think it was William Zinsser's book that helped me a lot in terms of understanding clarity and specifity more than any other book I'd read. What I need to learn is to fill in the blanks because I tend to be rather minimalistic with words having eschewed adverbs and adjectives as weakling words early on in my writing life. But, adverbs and adjectives aren't bad. Not at all. Rightly used, they help a story a lot and provide a richer texture to the text. So, I shall work on that.

We've been reading and reviewing four stories a day since yesterday, and there's this absolutely neat thing about how each student gets a ticket each day and if you don't waste that ticket you can put it into a can and get a chance at winning a prize. And how awesome is it that I won The Surgeon's Tale and Other Stories by Cat Rambo and Jeff VanderMeer?  Two writers whose works I absolutely adore, and a book that was on my list of books to get a copy of. 

Every Friday we get a mystery muse and today's mystery muse was the awesome ellen_datlow . Yes, you hear a fangirl squee. She was very generous and shared her wisdom and answered questions. For some reason I couldn't think of a single smart thing to ask until now. Ha, ha, ha. So typical of myself. I never have a smart answer or a smart question at the moment itself. Somehow, I have this delay thing. I truly need one of those rewind buttons which will get me back to the right moment after I've found the smart words.

Anyway, we asked her whether there was any secret to getting out of the slushpile, and what it boils down to is writing a truly kick-ass story. Which I sincerely intend to do.

We'll be saying goodbye to John Kessel this evening, and the weekend is going to be pretty busy, so I'm going to go back to commune with the mojo now.

Fellow Clarion West classmates, Kris Millering (silenceleigh ) and Jordan Lapp (jlapp ) share their own thoughts on the Clarion West experience in Week One.

I shall write more in the weekend as I still have to finish criticques.

I just noticed that yesterday's entry had a really weird time/date on it. Then I realized I'd forgotten to reset the computer clock. Hope it's all good now.

For some strange reason, I felt really sleepy and lay down to rest my eyes only to be startled awake by my phone ringing an hour later. My eldest son couldn't sleep and he thought it would be a good idea to phone Mom since his Dad had fallen asleep on the couch downstairs. It was eleven in the evening, and so I told him he really had to go to sleep now. I guess this separation is hardest on him as he's always been with me, and he's at the age where he understands that it will be a while before I come home again. I've heard that he's really doing his best, so that makes me happy.

This morning's assignment was to describe a room in detail in such a way that we would be able to deduce who the owner of the room was, and what happened in that room. No story was allowed. Just describing the room. It was a lot of fun listening to the different descriptions that each writer came up with and trying to figure out from the clues that were dropped what happened and who lived in that room. I must say, this looks like a workshop that's going to have a high body count. Derek Muir's story stood out as being the most upbeat story of all in that his guy actually does have a breakthrough. I told Derek that if he should complete the story he must send it to Jetse De Vries for the Shine Anthology. It's truly excellent and I hope Jetse will think so too.

The long hours of sitting haven't been good for my back though, and I had quite a bit of backpain after a while. I didn't dare stand because I was afraid people would think I wanted to make a statement, but Neile said that it was okay because a good number of past students had the same problem too. Which is a relief. Somehow my back hasn't been the same since Samuel was born.

I think the one advice I would give to anyone who plans to attend a Clarion West workshop is get enough sleep during the first few days when you don't have your assignments and stories to do yet. I think it's quite easy to fall into the trap of working yourself hard on the first few days forgetting that there still are a good number of days and weeks ahead and you will still need all that energy.

I chatted a bit with catrambo  and told her how in the first couple of days it had been almost a struggle for me to write. In fact before I got to write my first story, I wrote and discarded and wrote and discarded so many words because they just didn't flow in the direction I wanted them to. Cat told me that her friend had this theory that when we travelled our souls somehow got left behind and needed to catch up to our bodies. I can see how that theory works and could be true. I mean, when you arrive at a new place, there's this feeling of being cut off and unconnected and it takes a while to feel rooted again and be able to center yourself and find that place where story and art come from.

The pace is picking up now and we've got our first four stories to criticque. Tomorrow will be a full day of criticquing and writing. I doubt I'll be able to keep up this pace of reporting but we'll see...

I have first draft for my first Clarion West story. Last night, there was a reading by John Kessel and I was a bit late as the time had gotten away from me. I'd set my alarm for seven o'clock, quite forgetting that I would, of course, have to walk and find my way to the Bookshop. I think that the anxiety that comes from knowing you're late is a good thing, because while I was sitting there, listening to John Kessel read, I had a moment of clarity where I finally realized how I would write my first story and how to do it.

I find it funny how epiphanies tend to come at the most awkward moments. I did have pen and paper in my bag, but I could hardly take them out and start scribbling. Something told me the words inside my head would wait. 

After the reading I met Nisi Shawl. She is one of the most beautiful and inspiring women I've ever met. I find myself so inspired by these women of SF, by these strong, vibrant, beautiful women who give back to community and who write with an awareness of history and culture and the way society works (all those dynamics. You know what I mean). Yes, I fell in love again. Now a part of me wants to move to Seattle.

I admire the work Leslie and Neile do for Clarion West, it takes so much intense preparation to bring the workshop to this point where all the participants are here, the lecturers booked, and our lodging contracted. There's a lot more work involved than that. Administrating and organizing a workshop is a lot of stress. I admire the vision and the love these women have, their desire not only to write fiction but to change the world in some way. I think of the sacrifice on their part, as this means time spent away from their own writing as well as the intensity of having to combine dayjob and Clarion West.

I was happy to meet Nancy Kress after the reading. And now I can reveal that Nancy Kress was the secret person who greeted me after I arrived from The Netherlands. She is so kind and gracious and again another one of those beautiful women whose work inspires others to think and look at the world differently.

It is these meetings that challenge me to look at my own writing in terms other than craft. Craft is important, that's true, but I believe that at the core of a powerful story is a vision that drives the artist or the author to create. Realizing this seems to have helped free up the mojo. It's 6 am in the morning, I've just completed first draft, I am still in the zone. Clarion West irregular report continues later...

I thought I'd write this down today as I'm trying to parse through everything that we've been learning in these two days. I feel like I've already learned a lot and have written a lot more than I normally write, and I really, really need to think things through so I can get them into my fiction. A part of me is still getting used to this idea that I now own my time and can write as much as I want, when I want to.

I think it's important for husbands to realize that writing moms really need their writing time. I'm really thankful to my husband for giving me this gift of time to just focus and write.

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Yesterday, we talked about plot and how that works and it was very interesting to hear as I will now confess in open that I have always had this vague idea of what plot is like, but for most of my life, I've been a seat of the pants writer. John Kessel is a really good teacher. He is able to bring his point across in a way that's easy to understand and which makes me feel like going back and looking through all my stories with certain questions in mind.

The pieces read yesterday were rather heavy on zombies and vampires which was a real pity because after a while everything just sort of blended into one another. The stories by themselves were quite good, but after a while, I couldn't remember whose stories had been about what.

After that, John Kessel banned zombies and vampires. And I didn't even get the chance to write my zombie cockroach story. That chance has now passed, but someday that story will get written.

I also had my meeting with John Kessel yesterday. I realized that the disadvantage of meeting your instructor on the first day of a workshop like this lies in not really knowing what to ask. I've never been to a creative writing class, and while I've been to the Villa Diodati workshop, I've never been in a workshop like this with formal sitdown lectures and exercises. I guess, it was pretty odd for John Kessel to have a student who doesn't really know what questions to ask.

So, we sat and talked a bit about common friends like Ben Rosenbaum. Jeff Spock was one of his students and apparently made quite an impression as he said: I'm glad you know people like Ben Rosenbaum and Jeff Spock who was one of my students (did I hear a heavy emphasis on the Jeff Spock right there?) Were you writing about naked mermaids back in the day? (just kidding) Why do I never think of brilliant comments like that when I am in session with someone? I just get all nervous and get these intense heart palpitations.

I asked him to sign my copy of The Baum Plan for Independence, and he wrote something really lovely in it and that book will go into the treasured part of my library. The part that will never, ever be donated or given away.

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Today's exercise was to write a story about character in a reality that has three things different and three things the same as today. It was an interesting exercise and for this, I decided to mine the background of my wip and use that for the story. It turned out to be quite an interesting exercise for me. I realize that when I am writing seriously, my interest in culture and heritage do reveal themselves. While the story excerpt is set in a far future world, it is still very much Ifugao. I am thinking of expanding this into a longer story than the one that I now have. It will be interesting to discover where the story goes and how my character responds to the situation presented. Also, I do want to discover more about this world. The interesting thing is, I've been writing about Balaycon's colonies and have had little chance to really explore them. So, I do want to use this Clarion West time to do some of that.

It's brought home to me that a lot of my classmates are very well-oriented in terms of science fiction. In a way, I do feel at a loss as a lot of books and shows that have been seen or read by them are books and films that I haven't seen or read. There are entire blocks of science fictional reading that I've missed through my growing up years. I guess I really have a lot of catching up to do.

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Tonight, John will be reading at the Washington University Bookshop. I think that will be a great opportunity to stack up on books I've missed. Before I go home, a trip to the post office will definitely be in order.

I'm off to work on tomorrow's assignment and I still have a story to finish before Thursday.

Oh and if you'd like to read more, marshallpayne1  just sent me an email to let me know that my article: In Anticipation of Clarion West, is now up at Fantasy Magazine. Go read :) 

Thanks for the heads-up, Marshall.

Thanks so much to everyone for the good wishes and I certainly needed them. After a fairly uneventful flight, I finally landed in SEATAC.

I'm posting my account of what happened as well as first impressions behind the cut as the account is pretty lengthy.

Quickie 20th June post as I'm really sleepy and am still a bit jetlagged.
( lengthy account behind the cut )
June 20
( First Impressions, Arrival Day at Clarion West )

Leaving for the airport in an hour. By this time tomorrow (here) I will be in Seattle. Here's an entry I wrote yesterday, but didn't quite get around to posting. Samuel's still fast asleep.

Pre-Clarion West

Going through the checklist of things I'm taking to Clarion West. While I basically feel like all I really need are my laptop and everything that has to do with the laptop, I realize it might not be handy to go without a change of clothes. So, I'm taking those as well as shampoo and soap. My cousin gave me a pedicure and a french manicure. Last time my hands looked this pretty was.... ummm... err.... uh... well, it was a long time ago.

Checklisting, and wondering if I will need to take a change of warm clothing as well. I suppose I can buy clothes if it's absolutely necessary.

Feeling a bit melancholy. I tried to pack the toddler into my suitcase this morning. He fits right in there, but he thought it was too bumpy. I shall miss his cuddly self. He'll probably still be asleep when I leave in the morning. A part of me is already missing my safe nest. Last time I felt like this was the night before I got married.

Suddenly, we're down to counting days.

There's a surreal feel about these days. I look out at the jungle that is my garden and realize someone else will have to tend to what needs taming. My kids have gotten used to my cousin and my littlest one has taken to following her about like a tame little lamb.

Laatste loodjes, as the Dutch say. Final preparations before I can zip up my suitcase and say it's a done deal. Skating on the edge, once again. I keep my fingers crossed and trust myself to the wind.

And doing the pimpage thing:

An Interview with Marshall Payne-Revisiting a DEP author, is up at Mindflights today. Go read. :)

I had a timepocket too short to invest in a short story, so I went and did this instead: 

www.helloquizzy.com/results/which-fantasy-writer-are-you/

Heh...well...it's funny how it's got a good number of things spot-on. I always liked the Moomins :P